What You Get Out Of It Depends On What You Put Into It
by Random Guise
Summary: They made quite a few movies in the 50's and 60's dealing with nuclear energy and the dangers when people and other creatures got exposed in some accident. The movie "The Amazing Colossal Man" was just such a film, and it was one of the bigger (pun intended) examples although it didn't deal with one inevitable question which this short addresses.


**A/N: Takes place during the movie "The Amazing Colossal Man" before he takes his stroll through Las Vegas.**

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What You Get Out Of It Depends On What You Put Into It

"Sergeant, are the readings still constant?" Dr. Paul Lindstrom asked as he continued to pace the control room.

Sgt. Kuso scanned the dials in front of him. A bank of six gauges showed needles that were almost perfectly steady. "Normal jitter on Alpha and Delta channels but well within operating parameters. All other banks rock solid, Doctor" the sergeant replied without looking up.

Doctor Lindstrom turned to his visitors from the Atomic Energy Commission. "Gentlemen, there you have it. A totally new source of energy, one that has never been exploited before; although to be perfectly frank, the opportunity hasn't presented itself until now. Every effort has been put into our new endeavor."

George Cacca spoke first. "It's incredible!"

"Yes, it is pretty amazing" the doctor agreed.

"And it's a renewable source?" Al Rufa asked.

"It sure is. This is from a small sample we took this week, and there is _plenty_ more where that came from" Lindstrom assured them.

"But how...how did you discover it?" Rufa pressed.

"As you know, we had an accident while testing the first plutonium bomb and one of our soldiers had an exposure to the radiation."

"That would be Colonel Glenn Manning out at Desert Rock, Nevada" Cacca followed along.

"Your information is correct. Due to the colonel's accident, we subjected him and everyone in the immediate area to a battery of tests measuring radiation, magnetism, and sonic impacts as well as any psychological changes. A staff doctor, Major Erik Coulter, took a radiation reading on some waste biomass and was surprised with the results."

"It's no wonder we're interested" Rufa said excitedly. "As you know, we are constantly looking for peaceful uses for this new power of the atom and any way to derive raw material in a safer manner is extraordinary. Naturally, another concern of ours is atomic waste. What is the decay profile of this biomass?"

"That's another factor in its favor, Mr. Rufa. As you are well aware of, the half-life of our plutonium is quite long..."

"Eighty-eight years if you're using 238" Cacca interjected.

"...right, but this will decay into safe non-radioactive elements in 27 days based on the activity trending line, at which point there will be no problems with disposal. You could flush it down the toilet or bury it in your garden and it wouldn't harm anything."

"It would have to be a big toilet" Rufa smiled.

"Well, however it would be done I'm sure you get my point. All subsequent samples show the same profile of radioactivity."

"Does diet affect it?" Cacca asked.

"It doesn't affect the radioactivity at all" Lindstrom explained. "Understandably, you will get some...ah...variation in density depending on a few factors. If you input too much tomato in the process the generated mass can be a lot less solid for instance."

Both AEC men crinkled their noses at the idea.

"And so far the output is increasing. For obvious reasons we are trying to cap the size of the generator, but our efforts have failed so far. But if you gentlemen want to explore the possibilities of our discovery, I suggest you start work on it quickly before the secret gets out."

"We've already heard rumors of the Soviets working on recreating the conditions of the accident, but their efforts seem to be aimed at natural gas production" Rufa offered. "Their plutonium program was at least six months behind ours, so no actual tests have occurred yet."

"For the sake of their test subjects, I hope it fails" Lindstrom sighed. "The colonel is having too many problems as it is; we haven't told him about his potential contributions to the energy program yet and I'm not sure how he'd feel about it. In the meantime, would you two like to stick around and observe while the next load is retrieved?"

Both men thanked the doctor, but quickly insisted they they had pressing matters elsewhere and all three left the control room. Shortly after their departure, at 1400 hours Sgt. Kuso opened the communication channel and relayed the order for retrieval. He watched on a closed-circuit monitor as a large crane approached a huge tent followed by a flatbed truck. The truck pulled up alongside the tent, and a pile of white cloth on it's trailer was grabbed by an enormous hand and arm reaching out from the tent. The tent shook and moved for a minute before the hand returned, dropping another pile of cloth that was somewhat soiled onto the ground. The crane drove up, and with it's extension straining and tires bulging from the weight lifted and swung the pile to the trailer, which then drove off quickly. As the truck drove by the camera the words "US Army Diaper Service" could be read on the door.

"If he gets much bigger we'll need to use two trailers" Kuso mused.

The End

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 **A/N: While I was growing up, a local TV station ran old science fiction movies on Saturday afternoon, many from the 50's and 60's dealing with the 'wonder and danger' of the new thing called nuclear power. When I watched this movie, I couldn't help but notice as he grew Col. Manning didn't have much choice of clothing; in fact it looked a bit like a diaper. And although they mention the problem of keeping him fed they don't talk about the other end of the equation, if you'll pardon the pun. What _would_ you do with extra-large potentially radioactive poo?**


End file.
